i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
