Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She bit a glass in half.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
