Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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