I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
