Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think i have herpe
just one?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
