covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
