I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
