CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
