I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
