she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
