dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
