I wannas sexs uuuuu
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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