Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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