whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
