I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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