my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
