well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
