Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
