He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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