Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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