he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he laminated a picture of his dick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
