Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
