hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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