If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
