Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
