I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
