Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
