I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
