oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
