is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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