i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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