he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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