bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
