Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
