dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
