I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You are the jesus of drinking
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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