Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
