I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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