Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
