ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
