Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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