like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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