i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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