she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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