Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
