fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
