i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
