i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
