apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
