I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
