just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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