Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
